A Pandemic, a Theory and a Wish for Peace
At the beginning of the Covid Pandemic I was near the end of a years leave of absence from my Research Support Officer position at UNBC. I had been overwhelmed in both my job and life and could feel a soul call to find deeper meaning in life. I was being pulled between my job, parenting and caring for two parents with dementia and although I loved my family I knew that I needed something more in my life. Several months after my third child was born back in 2010, I began to experience some unsettling phenomena in my life. I was practicing energy healing, believed in past lives and had been dealing with new emotions of anger and frustration that had never been a problem for me before. I also had trauma in my past that had never been discussed or dealt with and I could feel my body wanting to release the pain and fear and begin a healing journey. The thing about healing is it doesn't happen overnight and trauma in our body can be a bit like peeling an onion.There are layers and it can get very deep and unsettling before it gets better. My trauma was childhood sexual assault and although I had an amazing childhood it wasn't enough to heal my body. My time of healing had come and it would take almost a full decade until my journey would feel complete.
Back to the Pandemic and why I am starting a blog now. Being home and still on a medical leave gave me a lot of time to think about life and what I wanted to do for the future and who I wanted to be in my life now in the present. In 2010 I was diagnosed with a post-partum psychosis that I would actually call a spiritual awakening. This event enabled me to talk with my family about my past trauma and it also allowed me to free my subconscious of the religious programming I received being brought up Catholic. Now that I have come full-circle I can see that my religious upbringing was not necessarily bad in and of itself but along with the pop culture of the 80's and 90's, the ancestral trauma in my DNA and a family with alcoholism and limited communication skills I can see how there was a lot of trauma stored in my body and subconscious that I didn't even know was there. In addition I was an unwanted pregnancy and this can result in hormones in-utero that can cause future dissociation and emotional instability later in life. The Pandemic gave me a chance to be still, to reflect and to sit in my questions about what had happened in my life and why. I have learned a lot in my life and was always on the go with new projects from school to volunteering to working. I have always become passionate and jumped into projects with both feet and sometimes blindfolded doing everything I could to make this world better and to make life for my family as good as it could possibly be.
I have worked at UNBC for 25 years including my years as a student and have always been a high achiever. I have always strived to do my absolute best and place high expectations on myself in all areas of my life. I was never happy with anything less than an A and I loved to create from scratch...this can be amazing and a lot of fun but also a lot of work. I completed my Bachelors degree in Environmental Science in 2000 and my Master's degree in Natural Resources and Environmental Studies in 2005 when my first child was not quite 4 years old and I was soon to be pregnant with baby number two. Sponsored by The Natural Sciences and Engineering Research Council for both my BSc and MSc theses and also the Science Council of BC while studying for my Masters I was paid to be both a student and researcher early on. I can see clearly now that I never stopped being a student or a researcher over the last decade even though at the time I thought I had walked away from my academic career with parenthood becoming my main priority.
This wasn't the first time that I thought I had walked away from a dream. In 1995 I retired as a competitive Freestyle skier when I was cut from the Canadian National Development Team. I had an Olympic dream since I was about ten years old and had worked towards that goal with dedication for ten years. I was invited to compete as a member of the BC Team and I know I would have done well but something was calling me to change my path. I decided to coach for a year and also worked full-time at Pacific Western Brewing Company as a Quality Assurance Technician. In August of 1996 I left both of these jobs to marry the love of my life (since I was 16) and start my education to be an Environmental Scientist at UNBC. My academic journey has lead me through a multidisciplinary experience studying meteorology, geology, animal physiology, ecology, chemistry, physics and environmental law and ethics and of course statistical analysis. I have pursued research in air quality studying both dispersion of sulphur dioxide in the Prince George valley using dispersion modelling and monitoring fine particulate matter exposure in elementary school children and completing, defending and publishing my research results. I have taught a 4th year air pollution class with a research component collecting more spatial data on infiltration into the homes of COPD patients. I have been co-coordinator for a Health Canada study looking at the benefits of physical exercise in seniors walking daily outdoors and the hidden impacts of air quality on cardiovascular and respiratory health. I have also managed research proposals for a large biodiversity project, completed two successful Canada Research Chair applications and learned and coordinated activities to improve equity, diversity and inclusion at UNBC.
I have also been a soccer coach, a ski coach, sold educational toys and environmentally friendly cleaning projects. I have organized a high school 10 year reunion, a freestyle skier reunion, a grad student pub crawl, a few large scale surprise birthday parties, 2 wedding anniversaries and at least 3 very successful fundraising Galas for the Montessori Education Society. I have wrote a chapter for a woman's anthology of healing stories, released an album of spiritual songs and added several other musical creations on Youtube that I got excited about. I have my own business that I work at on and off as clients show up in my life at different times. I have taught music and learned to play the organ, piano, guitar, violin and ukulele and of course probably not last and definitely not the least I love to sing and write songs of inspiration and healing.
Now I sound a bit like I am bragging but it is a very useful practice to look back at your accomplishments and realize that I have achieved a lot and pretty much everything that I ever set my mind too...well except going to the olympics. And that is where we get to this theory of mine. At one time I was part of the Canadian National Development Team. I am also a 1992 graduate of Kelly Road Secondary School now known as Shas Ti Kelly Road. I am an Alumni of UNBC Classes of 2000 and 2005 and a member of an organization called Golden Key. These are just a few of the memberships I hold. I have also attended the College of New Caledonia worked for a Brewery, a law office, and been a member of the Mayor's Air Quality Task Force. I have held many contracts and jobs at UNBC, held a contract with Health Canada and been funded to teach music to toddlers by Success by Six in my local community. What if I am still on Team Canada? What if I never stop working anywhere and I will always somehow be funded by Success by Six, the Science Council of BC and NSERC? I will also always be rooted in the Ancestral Lands of Shas Ti Kelly Road no matter where I go or live. And since I have now lived in Pineview for 25 years I am rooted to the earth and its history here as well. I believe that on some level, psychically I still contribute to these organizations and the many others I am still part of or was once part of over my lifetime. I believe in the mystical energy that connects us all. I believe in the Akashic Records that collects all stories - past, present and future for all dimensions in an energetic library. I believe that even my smallest actions, decisions and thoughts matter. Well no wonder I was overwhelmed before this Pandemic even started.
But now I have come full circle. I have lost dear friends and family members and feel that I can still communicate with them. I know more about the purpose of life and I feel as though I have been chosen for a wisdom journey that not many people get to take. I can see into the past, future and even multiple dimensions seem very real to me. Sometimes it is the present that I struggle with the most and having those closest to me understand my journey. There are many things that I know for sure and I will write more blog posts about that later. But for now I want to say that I can see clearly that being with my family as much as I can is most important to me and letting go of attachment to my need to make money or be validated for my experience are the last things that I need. I want time to walk in nature with my dogs and sit by the river. And every chance I get to wish on a star, or throw a quarter in a fountain I will make the same wishes. I wish for world peace, for peace in my heart and for all humanity to find joy in the the little pleasures of life that are most important. And finally, I want more than ever for us to always think of the children with every choice that we make because they are the future of this world of ours. Our beautiful Earth is my sister and I will always care deeply for this planet I call home. Click here to link to my album Awakening Our Spirit on Youtube.